Hello, my name is Diane Parker and I am a Master Practitioner of Neuro Linguistic Programming, Hypnotherapy, Motivational Life Coach and Mindfulness Coach. In July 2017 I became a Grief Recovery Specialist.
All of what I have achieved as a career has been due mainly to the amazing family that I have. Never have I needed to use the techniques I teach to others, on myself so much as I have had to this last 20 months.
Having looked on the internet for some kind of “chat” or “support”, for my loss and all I found was courses to become a bereavement councilor.
In July 2016, my husband Andrew passed away. He had bravely fought for his time with us, and so I can feel no anger at him passing, but disappointment that after all that ‘hard work’ that we had endured and all his medical team were doing, that our time was to run out in this physical plane.
The medical team around him were absolutely amazing. Some of which I ended up consoling when he passed. To me, that means so very much, of what they thought of him and their dedication to what they do.
For a short while I would go between sorting out what I had to do next and breaking down. At this point I would take myself off to lie down. My head would feel fuzzy and I would become very tired. A sleep for 1 to 2 hours would help me then cope with the next “thing”. I can reflect now that what was actually happening to cause this fuzzy feeling in my head was the neuro plasticity of my brain trying to make new connections as I was trying to cope with the shock and loss.
I had and still have some amazing people around me who supported me. My husband died in Liverpool, we live on the Isle of Man. My friend and lawyer had advised me not to “run back” to the Isle of Man straight away as there was a lot of paperwork to be done. I would only have to return. Most people I know who have had to sort funerals out have done so within a week or so. Because of having Andrew transported back, this all took a little longer. Some were saying how awful it was for me, and our boys, but in a strange way, it gave us some space between the shock of him passing, and all of us returning to the Island with time to sort out the funeral.
At that time, reflecting back, I think I was coping in a “different” space to everyone. I know it was most likely shock, but I was somehow coping and supporting others. Comforting and sharing their tears. I can remember having my girlfriends around and they were helping me select songs for the church. I put one on called “I knew you before I met you” by Savage Garden and when I turned around, they were all crying buckets…..so I said “not that one then!” You do go from extremes. I would go and take our dog out on our gator and while she was running around, I would be breaking my heart.
I don’t know where you are right now, but wherever it is, then know that it is just right for you. That is what is important.
The Grief Recovery Method is an educational programme that teaches you to understand how you have been taught to deal with loss, any kind of loss. The chances are that you have been “interrupted” during your process of grieving and therefore not fully completed on the loss that you were dealing with. More later, but for now, I came to learn that I was struggling with how to deal with the loss of my “hopes dreams and expectations” of what was to be our life after the operation. No matter how long we had been dealing with this illness, we still had hope. That had been taken away from me, that is what I was struggling to grieve.
If you look at my blog page on this site, you can read the full story and our funeral experience!
A lot of medical people misdiagnose grief for depression. It is your heart that is broken, not your head. Although in some cases a mild anti-depressant has been used to help the brain stimulate serotonin, our natural happy chemicals.
A year later, my little sister Pauline died leaving two beautiful children. The Grief Recovery Method helped me support my family during this time.
If you have any questions about the Grief Recovery Method and how it may help you, please do get in touch, even if you live off the Isle of Man. I can help put you in touch with someone in your area.
With love,
Diane