This was the start of Michelle’s Story, by Michelle:
When you read this, please bare in mind that at the time, Michelle was just 25 years of age. When we started working together, she was just 27.
Today is not a good day. Today is my worst day so far this year, I don’t know why today is my worst day, I woke up in a good mood and then I BINGED and BINGED until I felt sick and horrible. I then went back to bed to try and sleep and forget how horrible I felt but it didn’t work. I have cancelled on Becky because I feel too disgusting to leave the house.
I have DEPRESSION. I have an EATING DISORDER. I need to get better. I will get better. I will get better. I will get better. I need to feel like me again. I’m just a little lost at the moment, I just need to get a grip on myself and sort my life out.
GET BETTER MICHELLE ONLY YOU CAN MAKE ME HAPPY AGAIN. PLEASE DO THIS. GET BETTER.
I need to get up now and go down stairs and work out what to do next.
This is my diary entry the day I got in touch with Diane Parker. What I did next was crawl down the stairs, I found my phone book and wrapped myself in a blanket and cried. Eventually when I stopped crying I phoned for help.
It was five years ago when my parents went through a very traumatic separation ending in an equally traumatic divorce. The whole family experienced lies, deceit, heart break and anger. There were false accusations, arrests, restraining orders and violence. There were even suicide threats, attempts and missing persons. With all of this going on I was the person desperately trying to pick up the pieces and glue them back together. I just about managed to remain in control enough to support my brother, sister and my parents whilst my parents were destroying themselves, each other and our family, but nothing prepared me for what happened next. Both parents just left the country my dad overseas and my mum to the UK, abandoning my little sister who has special needs and mental health issues, no warning, no explanation and no forwarding address.
Not knowing where to turn or what to do, I moved into the family home put it up for sale and took on the role of Jenny’s full time carer. Both of our lives turned completely upside down we struggled through and got on with life. I then had to juggle being in full time employment and a full time carer. I lost all my freedom, free time and social life. I was consumed with hate and anger towards both of my parents but I managed. My life was no longer my own but I made sure Jenny was as happy, healthy and as mentally fit as she could be. We joined the Special Olympics, I saw social workers, psychiatrist, anything I could think of to help Jenny through this time. What I didn’t do was look after myself in fact I completely lost myself, my identity and my love of life.
In 2010 I reached breaking point and couldn’t see any way out of my despair. I went to my GP and broke down; I was then quickly referred to a psychiatrist who told me in no uncertain terms I had to be on anti-depressants. This was not the path I wanted to take but not knowing what else to do I took them, but only for a couple of weeks as they made me paranoid, shaky and all together ill. Not knowing where else to turn, I looked in the phone book; luckily for me and my sister this led me to Diane.
From me:
Michelle I am sure you would agree was extremely brave to write that for me and indeed her need to help people like herself is so very important.
So the “presenting problem” is one that is easy to say, right, I have a weight problem. When I met Michelle, she was on the sofa, wrapped up as I sat and listened to her story. I had to harness the “mother in me” as she was so young to have this burden, but she had took it all on and had done her best to that point to manage the situation.
I worked with Michelle to give her steps of action, for herself, for social services and for her sister. We put boundaries in place to manage some of the above, created time and space for her to spend quality time with her sister instead of filling that time with all the jobs that any parent has to do around the house, shopping etc.
Created social time for her to reconnect with friends, follow a healthy eating programme of simple clean living while at each session we would work on her challenges. For example introductions would be along the lines of “oh, this is Michelle, she cares for her sister, she is autistic”, which of course made Michelle feel labelled as nothing more than a carer. We devised a response for those occasions which helped Michelle feel better and ready to deal with.
Through time, Michelle had become anxious, and meeting up with friends a big issue. We started working through decluttering her space, wardrobe and makeup. I started having her as I do many clients, working on the bedroom. It is the place that you rest your soul at night, and Michelle would often crawl in under a pile of clothes, cleaned and ready to be ironed…..but it was just easier to slide in under this pile. This was representing the weight of the world on her at that time.
Michelle did have an inner strength for improving her life, she had embarked albeit added to her overwhelm with a degree in psychology. Typical of someone who wants to try and get better along with helping others…
I didn’t know until after we had finished working together at that time, that she had visited a psychiatrist prior to phoning me. But she knew that the pills would not solve her problems. Only she could with support.
We did that work over the first 3 months and during the process we created a vision board. Something I love taking my clients through. On that she put that she wanted to travel. We discussed how that might happen, and she placed the pictures on her board, with clothes and makeup. By the following week, Michelle had been contacted by a friend who was out in Mexico and a holiday arranged! I am always in ore on how quickly these things happen!
This was May and the holiday set for September. We had further sessions spread out to keep accountability and support in place. Then the holiday. Michelle loved it and her friend returned with her. She then made an announcement. I want to go again, this time, to South Africa to swim with sharks, get my paddy diving certificate, while I am there build a hut for a charity or something, then pop over to Australia.
I sat there in awe of this beautiful young lady and though about how far she had come in just the 6 months. And she did. Planned and worked out how she was going to do this to put things in place for her sister and off she went. Pictured above is Michelle using what she had learned with me, creating a hut in one week which normally takes three! I will share more of these stories on my podcast.
When she came back we did sessions on other things that she wanted in her life, a husband and family of her own. She still felt that this would be so hard with her sister being part of the package. I reminded her of how far she had come, in fact blew me away…..and she just needed a new vision board with the man who is caring and understands the life she has and is happy to join her.
A few months later, another tip to Australia, returning with her future husband. They now live happily on the IOM with two lovely boys. Yes they have their challenges, and her first response is often, what would Diane say…..then if unsure books another session. And Yes, I got my Cilla moment!
I would like to thank Michelle for her honesty and openness during the journey. Michelle will soon be a guest on my show.
Life after Loss
